Our First Baby!
Warning: This will be a long post. =)
You know how you kind of plan for that moment when you see those two pink lines show up on the home test, you've thought about how you'll feel, what you'll say, how you'll tell your husband (if he isn't standing by), what your emotions are going to be...well, mine was nothing like what I had thought would happen. For anyone interested in the personal side of our story, feel free to keep reading. I promise to be as vague as possible in the "TMI" department. People have asked why we waited till 13 weeks to share our news, so I figured sharing our story with you might shed some light.
We decided earlier this year, that this would be the year to start trying for a family. Now, I have to be honest, I was mentally prepared for 2 things, 1) that it would quite possibly take us a year or more for this to happen 2) that maybe we would end up being one of those couples that couldn't have biological kids. We had our perfect plan of when we wanted our family to happen, but both Shaun and I know full well, that our plans so often are not God's. So, when we starting having some medical issues earlier this year that indicated maybe having children would be difficult for us, I wasn't very upset by it. I knew that God was in control of what our family would ultimately look like, but as any couple would probably feel, we started exploring answers.
Well, it was in the midst of that exploration time that much to my surprise I found out that we were expecting! I had taken a negative test 5 days earlier. I kind of laughed at myself when I took a second test after a week. I knew it would be negative too, but I was frustrated and figured what the heck. (remember this info, it's really important for later) Well, much to my shock a very faint second line started to appear. I got so nervous and started shaking with excitement, shock and nervousness of trying not to get my hopes up. Now pause....previously I had spent hours on YouTube researching clever ways to tell a new daddy the good news and had a few ideas tucked away in my back pocket. Pretty much all of those ideas flew right out of my head as I grabbed the test, walked into the office where Shaun was having his morning devotions and just shoved the test between his face and his Bible. He looked up at me, back at the test and asked, "What am I looking at?" He thought I was showing him a negative test. I felt all trembly as I pointed out the second line and told him, I think just maybe... I loved his reaction! "How do these things work?!?! Where's the directions????" and then proceeded to fumble his way past the Spanish and "If you're over 40" sections till he finally found the section applicable to us, read them, look at the test, looked at me and had half hopeful eyes as he proceeded to caution both of us not to get our hopes up until we could have a Dr. confirm everything. I went to work and secretly showed my office mate the test. I figured her three kids had afforded her some expertise in reading these things and I wanted some reassurance that a faint second line could still mean positive. She was pretty stoked for us and told me I was very certainly pregnant.
I was going to schedule the Dr. appointment for later that week over lunch, but who was I kidding? When the Dr's office said they could see us at 3pm that very afternoon, of course I jumped for it. =) Who wouldn't? Well, 3pm rolled around and Shaun and I found out our little test was very accurate indeed! It was mixed moment of joy flooding our hearts and a sneaking panic of responsibility all at once. Ready or not, here we come - we're about to be...PARENTS!
Dr. estimated that we were about 4 weeks, sent us home with a packet of information and instructions to come back in two weeks to hear the heartbeat. We were thrilled! Pretty sure we both grinned at each other off and on for the rest of those next two weeks.
Ultrasound day rolled around and we couldn't get to the Dr. fast enough. I'll never ever forget our Dr. getting quiet, calling out measurements to his nurse then turning to us with a grim look and telling us we were measuring too small and he couldn't find a heartbeat. Ugh! I still get pretty choked up when I think about it. He informed us that while things were not certain, we were at a 50% chance of miscarriage and that since the baby showed a yolk sack, that was good news, but we should be cautiously hopeful. Well, I think I stopped listening as soon as I heard "50% chance" and my heart just sank. We did some blood work, stayed home from work and pretty much cried all day. I just knew it was over.
Our blood work came back the next morning and showed that my body wasn't producing enough progesterone to keep the baby implanted. Another blow. I cried my way through work and told my office mate what was going on. She was awesome! Her best friend had been through the same thing and she was a great coach! She told me to call my Dr. back and ask for progesterone supplements. Something I didn't even know existed. Doc put me on them right away and continued to do blood work every couple days monitoring all my levels. The silver lining came a few days later when another very important hormone level showed as continuing to double just like it should! I burst into tears again wanting so desperately to trust that was good news and again, SO very thankful for my co-worker(s) and their sweet encouragement along the way. A cheer went up around my office and everyone gave me hugs! In their words, "That was good news and today we celebrate good news."
Next day, the progesterone report came back and while my body was responding, it wasn't rising high enough. Dr. doubled my dosage and I saw him again for another ultrasound the next week and more blood work. The blood work showed that my body was responding very well to the double dosage!
During the waiting I would lay in my bed and hold my tummy, telling my little one to please hold on while begging God to please spare my baby. In all of my Christian life, I would have told you that I completely trusted God. He's got this. He has everything in his control and we can totally trust him! But for the first time in my entire life, that was exactly where I was. There was absolutely nothing I could do, but depend on Him and completely trust that He had this. I couldn't eat healthier, drink more water, take one more vitamin or rest enough. I've never in my life felt so completely dependent on God. Another ultrasound showed that our baby had grown, but without there being a heartbeat still, the Dr. told us our percentage decreased to a 25% chance, but that we should still guard our hearts. He wanted to see us again the next week and continued my bloodwork.
The days drug by till the next ultrasound date arrive a week later. I don't know how many times I begged God to please just let us hear a little heartbeat. I wasn't sure I could survive another appointment without one. God was good and this time our baby measured 6 weeks and there was a little beat! Shaun and I both cried. To be honest, I still cry! I've never heard such a beautiful sound in my entire life! I have a recording on my phone that I have played 100's of times in the last three months!
Without saying too much, the Doc said based on all the growth and numbers, we had miscalculated how far along we all thought that we were! =) Before you discount it as a Dr's mistake, remember, the progesterone levels! Had God not allowed us to get in the same day and start the process of visits as early as we did, chances are, Doc wouldn't have caught my hormones being too low until it was too late! God's hand was in this from the very beginning and I firmly believe he allowed the horror of not knowing for the greater good of finding out my medical issue very early on.
While we had great news, because of my hormone levels being dependent on supplements, we weren't out of the woods yet. We still had to get to 12 weeks. Doc said if we could make it till then, my body would have formed a placenta and the baby would then be fully reliant on that and we could come off the supplements. I felt somewhat better, but we still had 5 weeks to go before we would know, if this little was really going to be ok. I have to say that God was pretty merciful and allowed exhaustion and morning sickness to take over my body 24/7 as a way of letting me know that things were still looking up. I quickly developed a love hate relationship with morning sickness and was ever so grateful for nausea meds to help me keep my body nourished properly.
Still the days ticked slowly by and this new Mommy worried and prayed her whole first trimester. Finally 12 weeks rolled around. We got to come off our meds and at 12 weeks 6 days we had another ultrasound that showed our sweet little one developing right on target and growing just exactly how it should and the Dr. said we could finally breath easy! I cannot thank God enough! He was so merciful to spare us this little person. He placed me in the midst of a team of women at work who encouraged me, prayed for me and of all things had the experience with what I was going through to coach me along. Only something that God could and would do! I am more thankful than ever for my Dr. and modern medicine! God truly has granted wisdom to medical professionals and without them, I am certain this baby would be lost.
We do not know what the future holds, but we know that God certainly holds us in every step of life. I have a feeling that God has a special plan for our little one and I personally can't wait to find out what that might be. Sweet Baby, Your Daddy and I can't wait to meet you and hold you! To God be the glory, great things HE has done!
You know how you kind of plan for that moment when you see those two pink lines show up on the home test, you've thought about how you'll feel, what you'll say, how you'll tell your husband (if he isn't standing by), what your emotions are going to be...well, mine was nothing like what I had thought would happen. For anyone interested in the personal side of our story, feel free to keep reading. I promise to be as vague as possible in the "TMI" department. People have asked why we waited till 13 weeks to share our news, so I figured sharing our story with you might shed some light.
We decided earlier this year, that this would be the year to start trying for a family. Now, I have to be honest, I was mentally prepared for 2 things, 1) that it would quite possibly take us a year or more for this to happen 2) that maybe we would end up being one of those couples that couldn't have biological kids. We had our perfect plan of when we wanted our family to happen, but both Shaun and I know full well, that our plans so often are not God's. So, when we starting having some medical issues earlier this year that indicated maybe having children would be difficult for us, I wasn't very upset by it. I knew that God was in control of what our family would ultimately look like, but as any couple would probably feel, we started exploring answers.
Well, it was in the midst of that exploration time that much to my surprise I found out that we were expecting! I had taken a negative test 5 days earlier. I kind of laughed at myself when I took a second test after a week. I knew it would be negative too, but I was frustrated and figured what the heck. (remember this info, it's really important for later) Well, much to my shock a very faint second line started to appear. I got so nervous and started shaking with excitement, shock and nervousness of trying not to get my hopes up. Now pause....previously I had spent hours on YouTube researching clever ways to tell a new daddy the good news and had a few ideas tucked away in my back pocket. Pretty much all of those ideas flew right out of my head as I grabbed the test, walked into the office where Shaun was having his morning devotions and just shoved the test between his face and his Bible. He looked up at me, back at the test and asked, "What am I looking at?" He thought I was showing him a negative test. I felt all trembly as I pointed out the second line and told him, I think just maybe... I loved his reaction! "How do these things work?!?! Where's the directions????" and then proceeded to fumble his way past the Spanish and "If you're over 40" sections till he finally found the section applicable to us, read them, look at the test, looked at me and had half hopeful eyes as he proceeded to caution both of us not to get our hopes up until we could have a Dr. confirm everything. I went to work and secretly showed my office mate the test. I figured her three kids had afforded her some expertise in reading these things and I wanted some reassurance that a faint second line could still mean positive. She was pretty stoked for us and told me I was very certainly pregnant.
I was going to schedule the Dr. appointment for later that week over lunch, but who was I kidding? When the Dr's office said they could see us at 3pm that very afternoon, of course I jumped for it. =) Who wouldn't? Well, 3pm rolled around and Shaun and I found out our little test was very accurate indeed! It was mixed moment of joy flooding our hearts and a sneaking panic of responsibility all at once. Ready or not, here we come - we're about to be...PARENTS!
Dr. estimated that we were about 4 weeks, sent us home with a packet of information and instructions to come back in two weeks to hear the heartbeat. We were thrilled! Pretty sure we both grinned at each other off and on for the rest of those next two weeks.
Ultrasound day rolled around and we couldn't get to the Dr. fast enough. I'll never ever forget our Dr. getting quiet, calling out measurements to his nurse then turning to us with a grim look and telling us we were measuring too small and he couldn't find a heartbeat. Ugh! I still get pretty choked up when I think about it. He informed us that while things were not certain, we were at a 50% chance of miscarriage and that since the baby showed a yolk sack, that was good news, but we should be cautiously hopeful. Well, I think I stopped listening as soon as I heard "50% chance" and my heart just sank. We did some blood work, stayed home from work and pretty much cried all day. I just knew it was over.
Our blood work came back the next morning and showed that my body wasn't producing enough progesterone to keep the baby implanted. Another blow. I cried my way through work and told my office mate what was going on. She was awesome! Her best friend had been through the same thing and she was a great coach! She told me to call my Dr. back and ask for progesterone supplements. Something I didn't even know existed. Doc put me on them right away and continued to do blood work every couple days monitoring all my levels. The silver lining came a few days later when another very important hormone level showed as continuing to double just like it should! I burst into tears again wanting so desperately to trust that was good news and again, SO very thankful for my co-worker(s) and their sweet encouragement along the way. A cheer went up around my office and everyone gave me hugs! In their words, "That was good news and today we celebrate good news."
Next day, the progesterone report came back and while my body was responding, it wasn't rising high enough. Dr. doubled my dosage and I saw him again for another ultrasound the next week and more blood work. The blood work showed that my body was responding very well to the double dosage!
During the waiting I would lay in my bed and hold my tummy, telling my little one to please hold on while begging God to please spare my baby. In all of my Christian life, I would have told you that I completely trusted God. He's got this. He has everything in his control and we can totally trust him! But for the first time in my entire life, that was exactly where I was. There was absolutely nothing I could do, but depend on Him and completely trust that He had this. I couldn't eat healthier, drink more water, take one more vitamin or rest enough. I've never in my life felt so completely dependent on God. Another ultrasound showed that our baby had grown, but without there being a heartbeat still, the Dr. told us our percentage decreased to a 25% chance, but that we should still guard our hearts. He wanted to see us again the next week and continued my bloodwork.
The days drug by till the next ultrasound date arrive a week later. I don't know how many times I begged God to please just let us hear a little heartbeat. I wasn't sure I could survive another appointment without one. God was good and this time our baby measured 6 weeks and there was a little beat! Shaun and I both cried. To be honest, I still cry! I've never heard such a beautiful sound in my entire life! I have a recording on my phone that I have played 100's of times in the last three months!
Without saying too much, the Doc said based on all the growth and numbers, we had miscalculated how far along we all thought that we were! =) Before you discount it as a Dr's mistake, remember, the progesterone levels! Had God not allowed us to get in the same day and start the process of visits as early as we did, chances are, Doc wouldn't have caught my hormones being too low until it was too late! God's hand was in this from the very beginning and I firmly believe he allowed the horror of not knowing for the greater good of finding out my medical issue very early on.
While we had great news, because of my hormone levels being dependent on supplements, we weren't out of the woods yet. We still had to get to 12 weeks. Doc said if we could make it till then, my body would have formed a placenta and the baby would then be fully reliant on that and we could come off the supplements. I felt somewhat better, but we still had 5 weeks to go before we would know, if this little was really going to be ok. I have to say that God was pretty merciful and allowed exhaustion and morning sickness to take over my body 24/7 as a way of letting me know that things were still looking up. I quickly developed a love hate relationship with morning sickness and was ever so grateful for nausea meds to help me keep my body nourished properly.
Still the days ticked slowly by and this new Mommy worried and prayed her whole first trimester. Finally 12 weeks rolled around. We got to come off our meds and at 12 weeks 6 days we had another ultrasound that showed our sweet little one developing right on target and growing just exactly how it should and the Dr. said we could finally breath easy! I cannot thank God enough! He was so merciful to spare us this little person. He placed me in the midst of a team of women at work who encouraged me, prayed for me and of all things had the experience with what I was going through to coach me along. Only something that God could and would do! I am more thankful than ever for my Dr. and modern medicine! God truly has granted wisdom to medical professionals and without them, I am certain this baby would be lost.
We do not know what the future holds, but we know that God certainly holds us in every step of life. I have a feeling that God has a special plan for our little one and I personally can't wait to find out what that might be. Sweet Baby, Your Daddy and I can't wait to meet you and hold you! To God be the glory, great things HE has done!
that's a precious story. I am so happy for you and Shaun. I've known you a long time...you were born to be a mama!! It's the best thing in the world. I am continuing to pray for you and little Dish:)
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful story, God is certainly amazing, He will do great things! I just read about Ana (1 Samuel 5-18). It fits perfectly.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story; a true testament to the greatness of our God!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you, I gave a yelp for joy when I heard the news!!
May the Lord richly bless you, Shawn, and this little one on the way!
Love to you,
Kayla