My Slice Of the Pie
This last week the question of "What's my slice of the pie?" has been playing over and over in my mind. Meaning, what is my responsibility to the things that have happened "to me" in life. We often want to blame everyone else for our pain, yet, rarely do we look inwardly and acknowledge or admit our portion. My dear friends, no one is ever 100% blameless. (unless you were a small, innocent child) As I've played this question over and over in my mind a few things have surfaced where I blamed others for my pain and wow has it hit me. It was ME TOO. Yuck!
Past Boyfriend Relationship -
Yes, he cheated on me with 3 other women (that I know of, possibly more). I wanted to marry him. I gave him my heart and soul! But I knew he was distancing himself and I stayed anyway. He didn't want to come for a visit (it was long distance because he was at an out of state college), yet I sat there and pined away and kept giving him my heart, ignoring the fact that he repeatedly put me on the back burner of life and even dared to tell me that in person.
My slice of that pie: I stayed way longer than I should have. Had I left when I knew I should, I wouldn't have had the hurt of being cheated on and I wouldn't have distrusted ALL men for the next 5 years of my life.
Financial Debt -
I was 23, trying to get a leg up in life, and trying to figure out how to make more money to do that. I had never carried a balance on my credit card. I knew it was a bad idea to do so. I only brought home $1,200 a month as it was. Carrying a balance was a BAD idea. But I bought into a Multi-level marketing company selling cosmetics and I put $1,000 that I didn't have on my credit card. I had to spend money to make money, right?
My slice of that pie: It took me several months to pay that card off. I lost my shirt when I already didn't have any money to lose and had boxes of products I was never able to sell. It was laziness on my part - I wanted to make a lot of money and not work very hard for it. I was an emotional, nervous wreck the whole time I carried a balance on my credit card. It wasn't worth it. I have never carried a balance since. My peace of mind is worth way more. Shortly after that, I got a second job and earned more income the old fashioned way - honest hard work.
Broken Friendship -
I lost a friendship a couple of years ago in the most painful way. It came to a head overnight and the proverbial door slammed in my face. In that moment I felt very mistreated. BUT....
My slice of that pie: I had been chasing her for years, trying to keep the friendship alive when I already knew she had moved on. The moment it "came to a head" I didn't stop right then and talk it out with her. Instead I retreated to "lick my wounds" and when I came back, my chance to mend any misunderstandings had passed. It was over.
Forgiveness -
My Mom died when I was a baby. For the first 20 years of my life people would hurt my heart so much by saying, "Oh you never knew your Mom. You were a baby when she died." Thank you Captain Obvious for rubbing salt into that wound. It just made me more angry and more hurt and....more unforgiving. I was bitter and life was miserable on the inside of me. From the outside you would never have guessed. My own family didn't know.
My slice of that pie: I blamed God for taking her. I allowed myself to be bitter towards Him. I CHOSE not to forgive God and the ignorant comments of people who meant well. Yes, not forgiving hurt is a choice. Bitterness IS a choice. I held onto that hurt as justification to dislike them and push them away. I finally forgave God and finally forgave those people. Those comments still happen from time to time, but I am learning to give them back to God - who loves me more than they do and wraps His arms of grace around my heart in those moments - if I let Him - that way my new slice of this pie can be one of grace and not ugly, sin filled hate.
Marriage -
That moment when we were upset with each other. (It's none ya' business about what.) =)
My slice of that pie: I said more to him than I should have - After all, he's my husband - I should be able to say whatever I want and exactly how I want, right? WRONG! I hurt him with my words. I would never have said those things to anyone else. I should have been more considerate of his feelings and not let my tongue get away with myself. He didn't deserve that.
I want to take a moment to thank my Pastor, Andy Stanley, for his message last week. It really got me thinking and pondering about all of this. Curious what his message was? You can hear it here: http://northpoint.org/messages/starting-over/own-it
Are there things in YOUR life that you blame others for? Hurts you hold onto that clearly are not YOUR fault? What's YOUR slice of the pie?
Past Boyfriend Relationship -
Yes, he cheated on me with 3 other women (that I know of, possibly more). I wanted to marry him. I gave him my heart and soul! But I knew he was distancing himself and I stayed anyway. He didn't want to come for a visit (it was long distance because he was at an out of state college), yet I sat there and pined away and kept giving him my heart, ignoring the fact that he repeatedly put me on the back burner of life and even dared to tell me that in person.
My slice of that pie: I stayed way longer than I should have. Had I left when I knew I should, I wouldn't have had the hurt of being cheated on and I wouldn't have distrusted ALL men for the next 5 years of my life.
Financial Debt -
I was 23, trying to get a leg up in life, and trying to figure out how to make more money to do that. I had never carried a balance on my credit card. I knew it was a bad idea to do so. I only brought home $1,200 a month as it was. Carrying a balance was a BAD idea. But I bought into a Multi-level marketing company selling cosmetics and I put $1,000 that I didn't have on my credit card. I had to spend money to make money, right?
My slice of that pie: It took me several months to pay that card off. I lost my shirt when I already didn't have any money to lose and had boxes of products I was never able to sell. It was laziness on my part - I wanted to make a lot of money and not work very hard for it. I was an emotional, nervous wreck the whole time I carried a balance on my credit card. It wasn't worth it. I have never carried a balance since. My peace of mind is worth way more. Shortly after that, I got a second job and earned more income the old fashioned way - honest hard work.
Broken Friendship -
I lost a friendship a couple of years ago in the most painful way. It came to a head overnight and the proverbial door slammed in my face. In that moment I felt very mistreated. BUT....
My slice of that pie: I had been chasing her for years, trying to keep the friendship alive when I already knew she had moved on. The moment it "came to a head" I didn't stop right then and talk it out with her. Instead I retreated to "lick my wounds" and when I came back, my chance to mend any misunderstandings had passed. It was over.
Forgiveness -
My Mom died when I was a baby. For the first 20 years of my life people would hurt my heart so much by saying, "Oh you never knew your Mom. You were a baby when she died." Thank you Captain Obvious for rubbing salt into that wound. It just made me more angry and more hurt and....more unforgiving. I was bitter and life was miserable on the inside of me. From the outside you would never have guessed. My own family didn't know.
My slice of that pie: I blamed God for taking her. I allowed myself to be bitter towards Him. I CHOSE not to forgive God and the ignorant comments of people who meant well. Yes, not forgiving hurt is a choice. Bitterness IS a choice. I held onto that hurt as justification to dislike them and push them away. I finally forgave God and finally forgave those people. Those comments still happen from time to time, but I am learning to give them back to God - who loves me more than they do and wraps His arms of grace around my heart in those moments - if I let Him - that way my new slice of this pie can be one of grace and not ugly, sin filled hate.
Marriage -
That moment when we were upset with each other. (It's none ya' business about what.) =)
My slice of that pie: I said more to him than I should have - After all, he's my husband - I should be able to say whatever I want and exactly how I want, right? WRONG! I hurt him with my words. I would never have said those things to anyone else. I should have been more considerate of his feelings and not let my tongue get away with myself. He didn't deserve that.
I want to take a moment to thank my Pastor, Andy Stanley, for his message last week. It really got me thinking and pondering about all of this. Curious what his message was? You can hear it here: http://northpoint.org/messages/starting-over/own-it
Are there things in YOUR life that you blame others for? Hurts you hold onto that clearly are not YOUR fault? What's YOUR slice of the pie?
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