She Said My Name

Disclaimer: This is a full on Mom post. Don't say I didn't warn you. =)

It's been a really hard last 5 days month, but more specifically, a really tough last five days. A month ago at our routine check up, the Dr. told us that Charlotte had an ear infection. No biggie, most babies get them at some point. A round of Amoxicillin and we'll be good, right? At our follow up a few weeks later, not only was her ear not better, it was worse and now in both ears. Que the much stronger antibiotics. This one came with a warming label that it could (and most likely would) cause some serious side effects. I walked out feeling so helpless and discouraged. I'm sure every Mom has been there at some point. All I could think is: she's suffering, I can't do anything but give her this medicine that will make her feel worse before it will make her better and did I somehow do something to cause this?

As it turns out, the next four days would be the toughest part of parenting for me to date. She was miserable. Not only did she have a double ear infection, she was finally cutting those two upper teeth, the medicine DID cause major GI track problems and she caught the stomach bug. Needless to say, Mommy was in high demand. By day three, I was so discouraged and on the verge of tears of frustration and helplessness all day long. (I'm sure anyone who has ever been a Mom can totally relate) I started to question myself and my worth as a Mom. Silly, I know, but let's just say that Satan did a great job of playing with my mind and dragging me right into the pit of lies that Moms sometimes fall prey to. I knew it wasn't truth (Thank you, Kate, for the beautiful reminder to believe the truth and for always being such a great friend!). But you know how it goes...by the end of the day, I was emotionally and physically spent. I had cleaned up throw up and terrible diapers, done the fourth load of baby laundry for the weekend, and my sweet girl wouldn't let me set her down for a second. She would cry and fuss if I was even away from her for a second.

I was plowing my way through dinner, trying to get a meal finished and attempting to ignore the tears coming from the little body clinging to my legs when all the sudden I heard it. "Mama Mama Mama." I stopped in my tracks. The frustration just melted and I burst into tears. I had been trying for months, to no avail, to get her to say my name and here she was in the moment I needed it most, calling for me. Isn't that just like God? A month ago it would have been sweet, last week it would have touched my heart, but the day she finally said my name reminded me of why I do what I do, reminded me just how important I am to her little life, it filled my cup to overflowing and put the wind back in my sails to keep on keeping on until my healthy, sweet and contented baby returns. I love how God is a God of perfect timing and that He knew when hearing her say my name would mean the most.